78’s, lit and faith

for once i am lacking the need to reason everything. i am learning more to just be. to accept things for what they are. not to become complacent, shallow-minded or passive… i am simply learning to trust. and in the midst of it, let my mind rest.

i have been wrestling with numerous questions (why’s, how’s, if’s, etc…) and the idea of faith since day one. there is a precious and twisted beauty in recognizing that to a certain degree i will never find all the answers. i am merely human. beautifully human.
the mysteries we believe in will forever stir inquisition.

i traveled home last week full of thought and fear. pre 4th of july celebrations with old friends, lazy days spent on the lake and in the hot sun. home didn’t feel like home. it isn’t anymore; it hasn’t for a long while. the house may soon sell, i look forward to the closing of an old chapter and living unreservedly in the new.

of all things i have inherited, my favorites still remain: books, art work, photos and records. i have become the proud owner of the complete works of shakespeare and poe, nearly every symphony ever composed on vinyl and yes- a treasured salad bowl.

at the end of the four days, i left the place i once called “home” feeling somewhat at peace. (i’ve never left feeling so) i fear i am becoming what i dread: an adult. perhaps it is so. perhaps also, i am surrendering, letting it happen. knowing that i have cleared the lowest valley, still alive and unfathomably loved.

today i thank God for my new dusty collection of 78’s, recycled words from the worlds greatest and all this that is severely, heartbreakingly beautiful and in this moment, completely inexplicable.